This is My Dark Song

I want to taste the darkness.

This is my song to you.

These are two thoughts running through my mind lately. The first is entirely unrelated to the latter. (?) I hunger for the edge of something. Probing, seeking, nascent dreamer....

The latter is just a song that keeps running through my brain. Who sings that song? I want to hear more than the opening line. Anyone?

I read some words the other day: "The hardest thing to do on earth is choosing what matters." Immediately, I raced through the experiences in my life, pulling out the files, flipping through to make sure I consistently chose what matters. I wanted to be good. I wanted to make sure that I was good. I think I have been. And a part of me thinks that is rather sad....one part of me looks with disdain at the other part. I don't let myself down. Sure, I think I have sometimes chosen wrong....but always inside that - a lesson, an opportunity to grow....and always a backdoor exit. That's how I build my existence....a conscious architect...with a conscience. But, what if I decided not to....what would happen then?

Maybe what I'm seeking is a something from which I cannot exit. That is the darkness. To have the courage to descend into that part of myself that I know breathes quietly...so quietly I'm able to deny its existence. But it wants a life too. And today it feels stronger than my goodness.....and until we confront the more unsavoury parts of ourselves, they enslave us....